Beginning of graduate school

I forgot that I like to write my process journal. I thought that this is a good chance to get back into it again.

graduate school started and I want to document my creative academic experience, journey, and research just like I did for unravel the code course. By doing so I hope in the future this journal will be useful in finding out pattern, resources, and references to whatever I will be researching in the near or far future.

I finished my first week of grad school. one word: hard. two words: very hard. But then again I wouldn’t want to go to grad school if it wasn’t challenging me and making me so scared I’d pee myself. On my Critical Theory course, our professor, Julian Haladyn, shattered all of my ego in my critical thinking, in a good way. Since I finished undergrad there was this growing ego that I didn’t notice. On the first day of class, Julian’s lecture completely broken that ball of ego. It hurt but I was freed. I feel like I can think more abstractly like a child with a fresh perspective again. The materials are gonna be hard but I will work hard to understand and learn more.

Then yesterday I had my Affect And Emotions In Practice course for the first time and it was amazing. We had discussions about what is Affect and what is Empathy and I was very mesmerized by the discussion that happened– or rather, by the fact that it happened at all. I really need to get my head in the game and be ready to learn more about what other artists and academics say about these topics.

And today I had Creation And Computation which is learning our medium, creative coding and computing. I still don’t get this medium. it is something that interests me. But I still don’t understand what it is. I can do it, but I can’t understand it. It is very frustrating to me because I love it and I wanna learn it but I can’t understand it no matter how many times I’ve tried. It feels like I have no talent in it. It’s like when you want to learn how to play the piano and you can play it you can play the scores but you can’t write music. And it frustrates me. I wanna know not only how to code but also understand coding.

Sorry for the sudden rant. I just needed to get it out. I think admitting and understanding my frustration is a good step for learning opportunity and growth.

I guess this post is more about my general experience rather than process, but I think it’s a great transition from my unravel conclusion to my graduate academic process.



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